I Was A Poster Child... For Birth

I Know I'm Not Sexy. In High School I Was Voted Most Likely To Masturbate.

One Time My Whole Family Played Hide And Seek. They Found My Mother In Pittsburgh!

In The School I Went To, They Asked A Kid To Prove The Law Of Gravity And He Threw The Teacher Out Of The Window.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Once A Guy Pulled A Knife On Me. I Knew He Wasn't A Professional, The Knife Had Butter On It.

I Haven't Spoken To My Wife In Years. I Didn't Want To Interrupt Her.