Life's A Short Trip. You'll Find Out.

Life Is Just A Bowl Of Pits.

I Tell Ya, My Wife Was Never Nice. On Our First Date, I Asked Her If I Could Give Her A Goodnight Kiss On The Cheek - She Bent Over!

My Kids Scotch Tape Worms To The Sidewalk And Watch The Birds Get Hernias.

With My Doctor, I Don't Get No Respect. I Told Him I Want A Vasectomy. He Said With A Face Like Mine, I Don't Need One.

I Found There Was Only One Way To Look Thin: Hang Out With Fat People.