I Think When You Take Off That

For Me, Comedy Is A Day-to-day Report On The Human Condition. It's What's Happening Right Now. I Get Maybe 20 Minutes Of My Act Straight From The Newspaper.

I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I Remember Enjoying Comedians, But I Never Understood It Was A Job Choice Or A Profession.

Laundry's Easier When You Live Alone. Fifteen Minutes Before A Date, Put 'em On, Dry 'em With A Hair Blower.

Every Time We Help An Animal, We Are Healing Ourselves, Over And Over.

I Love My Parents And They're Wonderful People, But They Were Strict, And I Still Look For Ways To Get Even. When I Got My Own Apartment For The Very First Time And They Came To Stay With Me For The Weekend, I Made Them Stay In Separate Bedrooms.