Stand-up Is Like A Movie Every Night.

I Am Thankful The Most Important Key In History Was Invented. It's Not The Key To Your House, Your Car, Your Boat, Your Safety Deposit Box, Your Bike Lock Or Your Private Community. It's The Key To Order, Sanity, And Peace Of Mind. The Key Is 'delete.'

Men In Power Always Seem To Get Involved In Sex Scandals, But Women Don't Even Have A Word For 'male Bimbo.' Except Maybe 'senator.

To Listen To Your Own Silence Is The Key To Comedy.

Here Is What Is Needed For Occupy Wall Street To Become A Force For Change: A Clear, And Clearly Expressed, Objective. Or Two.

My Fashion Philosophy Is, If You're Not Covered In Dog Hair, Your Life Is Empty.