I Think About Death. I Don't Want

My Belief Is That Guns Are Too Easy To Get In America. My Belief Is That The Nra Has Bought Much Of Our Congress, To The Point That Guns Are Actually The Only Unregulated Consumer Product In America. Think About That. It's Stunning.

I Deliver Very Traditionally, And People Aren't Threatened. I Think If I Cursed Or Seemed Wilder, I Couldn't Get Away With The Amount Of Very Opinionated Politics I Get Away With.

I Am Thankful The Most Important Key In History Was Invented. It's Not The Key To Your House, Your Car, Your Boat, Your Safety Deposit Box, Your Bike Lock Or Your Private Community. It's The Key To Order, Sanity, And Peace Of Mind. The Key Is 'delete.'

I Am Thankful That Geniuses And Artists And Good People, No Matter How Hard It Is, Will Eventually Be Recognized. I Am Doubly Thankful That Also Goes For Idiots.

For Me, Comedy Is A Day-to-day Report On The Human Condition. It's What's Happening Right Now. I Get Maybe 20 Minutes Of My Act Straight From The Newspaper.