I've Never Been Able To Write For

Wouldn’t It Be Great To See A Line In All Movie Credits That Truthfully Says, “nobody Was Harmed In The Making Of This Film, And At The Cast Party, All Animals Got A Belly Belly Belly Rub”.

I Always Had A Running Commentary In My Head That Was Extremely Funny And Off-center, But I Never Said It To Anyone.

I Am Thankful I Was Born In America, Although If I Gain Any More Weight The Burqa Thing May Start To Seem Like A Good Idea To Me. See? Another Plus About America, You Can Always Find Some Food.

I Read Books That Say If You Want To Keep Sex Hot You Tell A Person What You Want. How Do You Tell 'em You Want Somebody Else?

President Bush Said He Didn't Want To Renew The Assault Weapons Ban Because It Might 'infringe On Hunters' Rights'. Who Needs An Ak-47 Machine Gun To Go Hunting? Let Me Tell You Guys Something... If It Takes You 500 Rounds To Bring Down A Deer, I Don't Want You Going To The Bathroom In My House!