You Know You're Getting Fat When You

To Listen To Your Own Silence Is The Key To Comedy.

I've Never Been Married, But I Tell People I'm Divorced So They Won't Think Something Is Wrong With Me.

I Run Everywhere And Eavesdrop. It's The Best Way To See A City.

Sometimes, If You Really Don't Know How You Feel About A Topic, Reading How Both Sides Argue It Can Help.

I Am Thankful I Was Born In America, Although If I Gain Any More Weight The Burqa Thing May Start To Seem Like A Good Idea To Me. See? Another Plus About America, You Can Always Find Some Food.