I Knew A Girl So Ugly, They

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

It's Tough To Stay Married. My Wife Kisses The Dog On The Lips, Yet She Won't Drink From My Glass.

I Tell Ya, Sex Is Getting Harder All The Time. Me And My Wife Were Trying To Have Sex For Hours Last Night And I Finally Gave Up. I Asked Her, "what, You Can't Think Of Anybody Either?"

My Son's An Idiot. His Teacher Asked Him To Spell Mississippi. He Asked Which One? The River Or The State?

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'