I Always Wanted To Write As Much

The Thing That Drives Me Crazy Is When Comics Say 'i Have Low Self-esteem.' No You Don't. You're Standing On Stage Asking People To Pay. You Don't Play An Instrument. You Want People To Pay To Hear What's In Your Mind. You Don't Have Low Self-esteem. You Might Have Other Problems.

I Don't Know Any Comedian Who Tailors His Act To His Audience. Maybe People Say They Do, But I Can't Even Imagine Them.

I'm Always Working On Stuff. But They Never Materialize. I'm Always Working On Movies And Tv Shows.

I Think If You Try To Tailor Your Act To Anybody, You End Up With An Act That Doesn't Work Anyway.

The Earth Is A Used Kleenex On The Universe's Nightstand.