I Always Wanted To Write As Much

For The Most Part, Comedians Are Pretty Friendly With Each Other. They Always Say They Badmouth Each Other, But Most Of The Time, They're Friends. We're The Only Ones That Can Really Stand Our Type Of Humor.

The Mistake That People Make In Stand-up Is Thinking They're Profound Or They're Deep When There Are So Many People Who Have More Worthwhile Ways Of Phrasing Things.

I Know Nowadays The Common Wisdom Is To Celebrate Diversity As Long As You Don't Point Out That People Are Different.

New York Stat Agreed To Pay $12 Million To Settle A Lawsuit Filed Three Decades Ago By Inmates Swept Up In The Bloody 1971 Revolt At Attica Prison. The Settlement Will Be Paid In The Form Of Chocolate Bars And Packs Of Newports That Can Be Picked Up In The Commissary.

You Can’t Make Everybody Laugh. You Gotta Just Do What You Think Is Funny. Just Be Obstreperous To Everybody.