His Finest Hour Lasted A Minute And

Would You Believe That I Once Entered A Beauty Contest? I Must Have Been Out Of My Mind. I Not Only Came In Last, I Got 361 Get-well Cards.

I Always Wondered How I Could Tell When The Right One Came Along - But It Was Easy. He Was The Only One That Came Along.

You Can Say The Nastiest Things About Yourself Without Offending Anyone.

Carry An Oar When You Drive. Three Times I've Ended Up In Water.

[when To Have A Facelift:] If You're Tripping Over Your Neck.