Christmas Is A Time When Everybody Wants

Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion, And I Can't Buy Any Of It.

A Stand-up Comic Is Judged By Every Line. Singers Get Applause At The End Of Their Song No Matter How Bad They Are.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

I Still Take The Pill. I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

A Friend Told Me The Longer You Keep Romano Cheese, The Better It Gets. So, I Kept It Three Years. And This Thing Turned Mean. Now And Then I'd Open The Refrigerator Door And Throw It Some Food. I'd Have To Walk It Now And Then. And Then It Grew This One Leg. And It's Got This Ugly Fuzz All Over It. And The Dogs Won't Run With It.