You've Gotta Share What's Going On In

I Did Stand-up Comedy For Seventeen Years. I Need To Explore Other Things.

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

Teach Your Kids To Make Deplorable Choices And Hopefully They'll Rebel And Make The Right Ones.

I'm Shooting A Pilot Based On My Show. It's A One-camera Show. I Play Myself.