I'm Bringing Back The Skinny Tie But

When You Delete Pictures Of Your Ex Off Your Phone, It Feels Lighter.

I Had One Job That Was Kind Of Cop-like. One Summer I Did Security At A Miniature Golf Course. Just Standing Out In The Sun All Day, Hey, Hey, Excuse Me Sir. Get Your Putter Out Of The Whale's Ass. Come On, This Is A Place Of Miniature Business. This Is Not A Playground Even Though It Looks Like A Playground.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.

After You Have Loss In Your Life And After You Experience Something Like Losing Your Parents, The Greatest Gift Of That Was It Prepared Me For [anything]. Nothing Else Is As Scary, And Certainly Stand-up Comedy Is Not As Scary As Sitting There With Your Mom And Having To Have Last Conversations And Things Like That. It's Heavy Stuff, But It's Enlightening Because It Makes Me Think I Shouldn't Be Afraid Of Sharing Ideas And Thoughts With People. It's The Yin And The Yang Of Life.

When You Get Hit By A Car Sometimes Your Shoes Will Fly Off, Sometimes Your Pants Will Come Off, But I Was Not Fortunate Enough To See The Pants Portion.