Some People Have Constipation Of The Brain

I Say It With My Tongue Firmly Planted In Cheek But There's Truth To It - Being A Comedian Is Very Close To Being A Therapist. When You're Working Smaller Clubs, You're Listening. You're Feeling An Energy, You're Going With A Tone But When People Start Yelling Out, You Almost Start A Conversation With People.

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."

When You Delete Pictures Of Your Ex Off Your Phone, It Feels Lighter.

I'm Willing To Write A Check For $10,000 If Someone Can Bring To Me What I Fell Is Ruining Thousands Of Lives, Destroying Lives Everyday. And I Know That You Know It's A Little Thing Called Chupacabra.

I Want To Be Able To Challenge Myself. And Do Things That Are Away From What I Usually Do. Stand-up Is Safe For Me. I Can Do Stand-up In Front Of Twenty-five Thousand People, And I'm Like, "i Know How To Do This. This Is What I Do." I Want To Be A Little Scared.