You're Aging When Your Actions Creak Louder

I Gave My Wife A Twenty-five-dollar Gift Certificate. She Used It As A Down Payment On A Mink Coat.

We Inherit A Lot From Our Parents: Mom's Eyes, Dad's Chin, And The Attitude Of Whichever Parent Isn't Punishing You At The Moment. All Of Those Things We Have Our Mom's To Thank For."if Evolution Really Works, How Come Mothers Only Have Two Hands?"

My Wife And I Were Shopping For The Whole Family. In The Music Department My Wife Said, "let's Get Your Nephew A Set Of Drums. That's What Your Brother Did To Us Last Year."

A Young Man Fills Out An Application For A Job And Does Well Until He Gets To The Last Question, "who Should We Notify In Case Of An Accident?" He Mulls It Over And Then Writes, "anybody In Sight!"

Talk About Cheap - On Christmas Eve, My Neighbour Shoots Off Three Blanks And Tells His Kids Santa Claus Just Committed Suicide.