You Won’t Be Able To Take Your

I Think My Best Work Is When I'm Kind Of In Charge.

I'm Like The Hulk On Stage. It's Way Over The Top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I Get Off Stage And Go What Did I Say?! I'll Watch One Of My Stand-up Specials A Year Later And Go Eww, That Was Mean.

That's A Sure Sign Someone Is Going Crazy - When He Refers To Himself In The Third Person, Talks In Low Tones, And Walks Around Wearing Shades All Day!

George Bush Hates Midgets.

Whoever You Hate Will End Up In Your Family. You Don't Like Gays? You're Gonna Have A Gay Son. You Don't Like Puerto Ricans? Your Daughter's Gonna Come Home With Livin' La Vida Loca!