You Know You're Old When Your Walker

Old Age Is When The Liver Spots Show Through Your Gloves.

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.

We Named All Our Children Kid. Well, They Have Different First Names, Like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

Remember, Only A Policeman Is Allowed To Express Himself On An Expressway.