You Know What Keeps Me Humble? Mirrors!

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

Every Time I Go Near The Stove, The Dog Howls.

[when To Have A Facelift:] If You're Tripping Over Your Neck.

A Friend Told Me The Longer You Keep Romano Cheese, The Better It Gets. So, I Kept It Three Years. And This Thing Turned Mean. Now And Then I'd Open The Refrigerator Door And Throw It Some Food. I'd Have To Walk It Now And Then. And Then It Grew This One Leg. And It's Got This Ugly Fuzz All Over It. And The Dogs Won't Run With It.

It's Hard To Find A Negligee In My Size. I Wear A Junior Mister.