Every Time I Go Near The Stove,

I Have So Many Liver Spots, I Ought To Come With A Side Of Onions.

The Only Parts Left Of My Original Body Are My Elbows.

A Friend Told Me The Longer You Keep Romano Cheese, The Better It Gets. So, I Kept It Three Years. And This Thing Turned Mean. Now And Then I'd Open The Refrigerator Door And Throw It Some Food. I'd Have To Walk It Now And Then. And Then It Grew This One Leg. And It's Got This Ugly Fuzz All Over It. And The Dogs Won't Run With It.

A Terrible Thing Happened To Me Last Night Again—nothing.

My Husband Is So Useless That It's Hard For Me To Be Romantic With Him. I Get Down On The Floor And Say, If You Love Me, Blink Your Eyes.