You Know, In Politics When You Come

When A Woman Extends Her Hand For You To Shake It, Then You Shake Her Hand. You Do Not Turn It Up And Kiss It. And It Is Just So Creepy. Because, You Know, I Handed It At This Angle. I Handed It At The Handshake Angle And So I'm Not Giving It To You To Do Whatever You Want With It. I'm Not Loaning It To You. It's Like If Somebody Borrowed Your Lawnmower And You're Assuming They're Going To Use It To Mow Their Lawn. You Don't Want To Find Out Later They Put It In The Ocean!

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name.

I Don’t Believe For A Second That Weightlifting Is A Sport. They Pick Up A Heavy Thing And Put It Down Again. To Me, That’s Indecision.

I Get In Fewer Arguments When I'm Alone.

I Was Diagnosed A Number Of Years Ago With Obsessive-compulsive Disorder - Which Everyone Has, To Some Degree - And I Have This Really Annoying Trait Where In Conversation, I Always Steer It Back To Something That Happened To Me.