We Have Two Kinds Of Air: Regular

We Resort, Frankly, To Pies, Which Is A Comedy Staple That's Gone Back, I Guess, To Since The First Pie Was Ever Baked.

The Closest Thing To Roseanne Barr's Singing The National Anthem Was My Cat Being Neutered.

Democracy Means Free Television, Not Good Television, But Free.

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.