W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was

Comedy Is A Serious Business. A Serious Business With Only One Purpose--to Make People Laugh.

No One Likes The Fellow Who Is All Rogue, But We'll Forgive Him Almost Anything If There Is Warmth Of Human Sympathy Underneath His Rogueries. The Immortal Types Of Comedy Are Just Such Men.

Yes I Do Like Children ... Girl Children...about Eighteen Or Twenty.

There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ahead Today - Sell Liquor Or Drink It.

Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But It Was Closed.