The Grand Tune Is The Only Thing

Madam, You Have Between Your Legs An Instrument Capable Of Giving Pleasure To Thousands And All You Can Do Is Scratch It.

There Are Two Golden Rules For An Orchestra: Start Together And Finish Together. The Public Doesn't Give A Damn What Goes On In Between.

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.

I Prefer Offenbach To Bach Often.

"have You Heard Any Stockhausen?" Beecham Was Asked. "no, But I Believe I Have Stepped In Some."