The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra

There Are Two Golden Rules For An Orchestra: Start Together And Finish Together. The Public Doesn't Give A Damn What Goes On In Between.

Composers Should Write Tunes That Chauffeurs And Errand Boys Can Whistle.

The British Like Any Kind Of Music So Long As It Is Loud.

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.

I Find Brass Bands Have A Melancholy Sound. All Right Out Of Doors, Of Course - Fifty Miles Away. Like Bagpipes, They Turn What Had Been A Dream Into A Public Nuisance.