The Best Contraceptive For Old People Is

Just Because I Have Rice On My Clothes Doesn't Mean I've Been To A Wedding. A Chinese Man Threw Up On Me.

When You Play Spin The Bottle, If They Don't Want To Kiss You They Have To Give You A Quarter. Well, Hell, By The Time I Was Twelve Years Old I Owned My Own Home.

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.

I Am Constantly Being Asked About Individuals. The Only Way To Win Is As A Team. Football Is Not About One Or Two Or Three Star Players.

If Your House Is Really A Mess And A Stranger Comes To The Door Greet Him With, 'who Could Have Done This? We Have No Enemies!'