The Best Contraceptive For Old People Is

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

I Met My Husband When A Friend Sent Him Over To My House To Cure My Hiccoughs.

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

Never Go To Bed Angry, Stay Up And Fight.

My Cooking Is So Bad My Kids Thought Thanksgiving Was To Commemorate Pearl Harbor.