Some Weasel Took The Cork Out Of

I Didn't Say The Meat Was Tough. I Said I Didn't See The Horse That Is Usually Outside.

How Is The Human Race Going To Survive Now That The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Two Dollars A Quart?

Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downstream, But It Takes A Live One To Swim Upstream.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.