I Don't Have To Attend Every Argument

I've Been Drunk Only Once In My Life. But That Lasted For Twenty-three Years.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.

If It Does Not Work The First Time, Try, Try Again. Then Quit. No Need To Be An Idiot.

When Doctors And Undertakers Meet, They Wink At Each Other.