She's So Fat, She's My Two Best

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

I'm Sure Some Of You Are Wondering Whether My Breasts Are Real. Let Me Just Explain To You. This One Is, This One Isn't.

What We Do Is A Calling...we Make People Happy.

I Don't Mind Aging, I Just Don't Want To Be A Day Older.

The Only Way I Can Get A Man To Touch Me At This Age Is Plastic Surgery.