If You Can't Make Fun Of Yourself,

Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

People Say That Money Is Not The Key To Happiness, But I Always Figured If You Have Enough Money, You Can Have A Key Made.

The Fashion Magazines Are Suggesting That Women Wear Clothes That Are 'age Appropriate.' For Me That Would Be A Shroud.

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

With Age Comes Wisdom. You Don't Need Big Boobs To Be Feminine. Look At Liberace.