She Was So Fat That Her Belly

I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company Sends Me 1/2 A Calendar!

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. When I Went On The Roller Coaster, My Old Man Told Me To Stand Up Straight.

I'm Sitting On Top Of The World, And I've Got Hemorrhoids.

My Uncle's Dying Wish - He Wanted Me On His Lap. He Was In The Electric Chair.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.