My Wife And I Have Olympic Sex.

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'

I'm At The Age Where Food Has Taken The Place Of Sex In My Life. In Fact, I've Just Had A Mirror Put Over My Kitchen Table.

I Say 'no' To Drugs. Whenever Someone Asks Me For Some Of My Drugs I Say, 'no.

I Went To See My Doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...i Told Him Once, "doctor, Every Morning When I Get Up And Look In The Mirror I Feel Like Throwing Up. What's Wrong With Me?" He Said, "i Don't Know, But Your Eyesight Is Perfect."