Self-pity Is Better Than None.

You Know You're Old When Your Walker Has An Airbag.

Your Husband Is Lazy If Coffee Doesn't Keep Him Awake - Even When It's Hot And Being Spilled On Him.

Maybe It's True That Life Begins At Fifty. But Everything Else Starts To Wear Out, Fall Out, Or Spread Out.

Think Of Me As A Sex Symbol For The Men Who Don't Give A Damn.

No Matter What Time Your Guests Arrive, Pretend They're Early, So Naturally You're Not Ready.