Ninety Percent Of All Prisoners In All

Last Time I Was In Canada Celine Dion Had Just Given Birth To Identical Twins. Which Is Quite An Achievement Given Her Age And Face.

I Don't Think It's Unfair To Have Writers. I Think If You're Going To Do A Roast On Television, As If You Were Doing A Play Or You Were Reading A Script Of A Movie, You Would Have The Best Possible Material. And Those Are The People Who Score, The People Who Are Willing To Listen To The Roasting Experts And Then Come Out There And Own That Material.

Charlie Sheen Is To Stand-up What Larry Flynt Is To Standing Up.

I Can't Defend Someone Else's Jokes. I Can Only Defend My Jokes, And I Have To Live With My Own Jokes.

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.