My Wife Is Such A Bad Cook,

I Went To See My Doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...i Told Him Once, "doctor, Every Morning When I Get Up And Look In The Mirror I Feel Like Throwing Up. What's Wrong With Me?" He Said, "i Don't Know, But Your Eyesight Is Perfect."

If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

My Wife Is So Fat That The Last Time I Saw Something That Big It Was Grazing.

When I Was Born The Doctor Took One Look At My Face, Turned Me Over And Said, "look, Twins!"

What A Childhood I Had - I Was Ten Years Old When I Found Out Alpo Was Dog Food.