My Real Last Name Is Galifianakisburg.

I Don't Like To Have Anybody Tell Me To Be In A Place At Certain Times. That's Kind Of The Advantage Of Stand Up. You're Self-employed.

I'm An American So Its Kind Of Hard For Me To Talk About 9/11. So Whenever Someone Brings It Up In A Conversation, I Say "i Didn't Like 9/11."

I Think Sadness And Anger Are Really Fertile Ground For Comedy. No One Is Really Interested In A Happy Person Doing Comedy.

'baskets' Isn't A Cbs Show. Nothing Against That, But This Is An Off-kilter Show On Cable That The Channel Lets You Do Interesting Things. Look, If It Works, It Works. And If It Doesn't, It's Just A Miniseries.

A Good Stand-up, You Lead The Audience. You Don't Kowtow To The Audience. Sometimes The Audience Is Wrong. I Always Think The Audience Is Wrong.