Hookers Don't Like To Snuggle.

American Society Loves To Prop People Up And Then Take Them Down.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.

Do You Remember That Kid That Had Sex With His High School Teacher? I Was Reading Online That He Died Today. He Died From Hi-fiveing.

There's More To Life Than Being An Actor In A Hollywood Movie. I'm Not Going To Adapt My Life After That Existence, Where A Lot Of People Do. And They Get The Publicist, And They Get All That Stuff, And It Becomes Them. I Think It's A Stupid Way To Live Your Life. A Really Dumb Way To Live Your Life.