My Mother Used To Rock Me -

I Bought A Perfect Second Car... A Tow Truck.

Last Week I Told My Wife, If You Would Learn To Cook, I Could Fire The Chef. She Said, If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

I Went To See My Doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...i Told Him Once, "doctor, Every Morning When I Get Up And Look In The Mirror I Feel Like Throwing Up. What's Wrong With Me?" He Said, "i Don't Know, But Your Eyesight Is Perfect."

With My Wife I Get No Respect. I Fell Asleep With A Cigarette In My Hand. She Lit It.