My Girlfriend Told Me That She Was

Lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

My Jokes Are In My Head And I Have A Duplicate Copy Of My Jokes In A Lot Of British Comics' Heads, Where They Are Safe.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.

Don't Wear Fur! Did You Know, A Single Fur Coat Takes Fifteen Trees, Just For The Protest Signs?