I've Never Hit A Woman In My

The Funniest Thing A Comedian Can Do Is Not Do It.

The Nation Needs To Return To The Colonial Way Of Life, When A Wife Was Judged By The Amount Of Wood She Could Split.

You Can Fool Some Of The People Some Of The Time -- And That's Enough To Make A Decent Living.

I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday.

Money Will Not Buy Happiness, But It Will Let You Be Unhappy In Nice Places.