I've Been On So Many Blind Dates,

I've Been On So Many Blind Dates, I Should Get A Free Dog.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

I Don't Like To Channel Surf. You Guys Like It, Don't You. You Guys Like To Change The Channel. We Like To Change You.

My Husband Wanted One Of Those Big-screen Tvs For His Birthday. So I Just Moved His Chair Closer To The One We Have Already.

I've Been Pitching A Show Of Five Female Stand-up Comedians Through The Generations, From Phyllis Diller To Amy Schumer, So When I Got An E-mail Asking Me If I Would Participate In The Women In Comedy Festival, I Was Thrilled.