It Was So Hot Today That Burger

I Can Empathize With President [george Bush]. I Know What It Feels Like Having A Young Guy Waiting Around For You To Keel Over.

The Best Way To Thaw A Frozen Turkey? Blow In It's Ear.

I Feel The One Sensible Thing You Can Do Is Try To Live In A Way That Pleases You. If You Don't Hurt Anybody Else, What You Do Is Your Own Business.

When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

I Demand My Right To A Private Life, Just As I Respect That Right For Everybody Else.