If It Weren't For Philo T. Farnsworth,

If God Didn't Want Man To Hunt, He Wouldn't Have Given Us Plaid Shirts.

Democracy Is Buying A Big House You Can't Afford With Money You Don't Have To Impress People You Wish Were Dead. And, Unlike Communism, Democracy Does Not Mean Having Just One Ineffective Political Party; It Means Having Two Ineffective Political Parties.

Adults Ask Questions As A Child Does. When You Stop Wondering, You Might As Well Put Your Rocker On The Front Porch And Call It A Day.

Audiences Have Proved Time And Again That They Don't Want A Steady Diet Of Any Entertainer Airing His Social Views - Especially If He's A Comedian.

The Closest Thing To Roseanne Barr's Singing The National Anthem Was My Cat Being Neutered.