Happiness Is.....finding Two Olives In Your Martini

I Hated My Last Boss. He Asked, Why Are You Two Hours Late? I Said, I Fell Downstairs. He Said, That Doesn't Take Two Hours.

I Would Like To Say, For The Record, That I Am In Favor Of Using More American Indians And Other Minorities In Motion Pictures, I Am Against Polluting The Oceans Of The World, I Am For Every Nationality Having Its Own Homeland, I Am Against Whacking Baby Seals On The Head, And I Am For Saving The Whales.

I Have An Ego Like Anybody Else, But I Don't Need To Be Stoked By Going Before The Public All The Time.

I Was So Naive As A Kid I Used To Sneak Behind The Barn And Do Nothing.

Happiness Is Seeing Your Son Drafted The Same Day He's Been Accepted To An Expensive College.