I'm Playing Like Tarzan-and Scoring Like Jane.

I Read The Greens In Spanish, But I Putt In English.

Red Meat Is Not Bad For You. Now Blue-green Meat, That's Bad For You!

Golf Is A Thinking Man's Game. You Can Have All The Shots In The Bag, But If You Don't Know What To Do With Them, You've Got Troubles.

When A Man Retires, His Wife Gets Twice The Husband But Only Half The Income.

The First Time I Played The Masters, I Was So Nervous I Drank A Bottle Of Rum Before I Teed Off. I Shot The Happiest 83 Of My Life.