I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost

I Always Sit In The Tail End Of A Plane, Always. You Never Hear Of An Plane Backing Into A Mountain.

I Went To The Dentist. He Said "say Aaah." I Said "why?" He Said "my Dog's Died."

I Went To Buy Some Camouflage Trousers The Other Day But I Couldn’t Find Any.

So I Was In Tesco's And I Saw This Man And Woman Wrapped In A Barcode. I Said "are You Two An Item?"

I Had A Meal Last Night. I Ordered Everything In French, Surprised Everybody. It Was A Chinese Restaurant. I Said To This Chinese Waiter, 'look, This Chicken I Got Here Is Cold.' He Said, 'it Should Be, It's Been Dead Two Weeks.'