I'm Not Being Condescending, I'm Too Busy

The Reason Old Man Use Viagra Is Not That They Are Impotent. It's That Old Women Are So Very Ugly.

Tv's Not The Same Buzz. If Someone Tells You Three Million People Watched The Show Last Week, That's Good But, When You Walk Out In Front Of 1,000, You Think, 'oh My God, This Had Better Be Good'.

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.

I Said To My Girlfriend, You Shouldn't Eat Before You Swim. She Said, "why Not"? I Said, You Look Fat.

I Had A Survey Done On My House. 8 Out Of 10 People Said They Really Rather Liked It