I'm For Capital Punishment. You've Got To

We Claim We Believe In Compassion, Which Is An Abstract, And When It's Personified We Discredit The Man

Will Rogers…used To Come Out With A Newspaper And Pretend He Was A Yokel Criticizing The Intellectuals Who Ran The Government. I Come Out With A Newspaper And Pretend I’m An Intellectual Making Fun Of The Yokels Running The Government.

Everything I Tell You Is True, But This Is Factual.

A Political Satirist's Job Is To Draw Blood. I'm Not So Much Interested In Politics As I Am In Overthrowing The Government.

There's So Much Botox Around Now That You Can't Tell When A Jewish Girl Is Angry!