I'm At An Age When My Back

The Only Time I Ever Enjoyed Ironing Was The Day I Accidentally Got Gin In The Steam Iron.

Have The Man At The Station Put The Air In The Tires. I Did It Once Myself. Have You Ever Seen A Car With A Limp?

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.

Whatever You May Look Like, Marry A Man Your Own Age - As Your Beauty Fades, So Will His Eyesight.

Do Not Taste Food While You're Cooking. You May Lose Your Nerve To Serve It.