If You Die In An Elevator, Be

When I Was A Boy I Used To Do What My Father Wanted. Now I Have To Do What My Boy Wants. My Problem Is: When Am I Going To Do What I Want?

If You Owe Fifty Dollars You're A Piker; If You Owe Fifty Thousand Dollars You're A Businessman; If You Owe Fifty Million Dollars You're A Tycoon; If You Owe Fifty Billion Dollars You're The Government.

More And More Congressmen Now Stay In Washington All Year-round Because They Can't Stay At Home Under The Laws They've Passed.

Our Toaster Has Two Settings: Too Soon Or Too Late.

Insanity Is Hereditary; You Get It From Your Children.