If I Had Been Born Ugly, You

I Want To Be Remembered For My Football And The Pleasure I Gave People.

I Spent A Lot Of Money On Booze, Birds And Fast Cars. The Rest I Just Squandered.

When They First Installed All-seater Stadiums Everyone Predicted That The Fans Wouldn't Stand For It

They Told Me I Wouldn't Make 25. Then It Was 35, Then 45. These Were My Doctors Speaking - They're All Dead Now.

Everyone Went Crazy Over Wayne Rooney, But I Get More Excited By Cristiano Ronaldo.